Neither are they wrong, nor are we!!

         

       There have been a few experiences over the past couple of weeks, when I got to witness the classic Parents vs Children debate. On one side were parents insisting their son to pursue higher education at the US, which the guy is least interested in. On the other side is another friend who is trying hard to convince her Dad to let her study out of her hometown!! (So sad, how nice it would have been if the cases were vice versa.. Crazy thought, I agree). These are just a couple of the interesting cases I have been an audience to. Both the sides have reasonable logics defending their arguments. Both seem justifiable in their own rights. Being a youngster, I tend to identify myself pitted against parents. Well a bit of introspection reveals neither are they wrong, nor are we!!

     As I wondered over this age old issue, there was an interesting aspect a friend of mine shared with me. In ancient India, it is said, when householders retired from Grihastha to Vanaprastha, they gave away all that they possessed. They left their children with education and experiences of life. The children were asked to shape up their lives from scratch. How contrasting from a lot of today's parents who try to amass all that they can in their lifetime so that their children live in peace. Despite the children not wanting them to do it! But of course, times have changed.

      Another interesting case is here - A friend of mine works as an Engineer at a place where his Dad has considerable acquaintances. The father whenever pays a visit to the son's workplace, addresses him in his pet name, which is embarrassing to the son. Seems silly? Not to the guy who faces it. Here is his argument - "I am his son. To him I may still be a kid. But not in the society we are part of." No offences meant, but this is a simple issue with complicated consequences!!

        As I spoke with Mom about issues like these, she reminded me of the Sanskrit verse -

लालयेत् पञ्च वर्षाणि दश वर्षाणि ताडयेत् | 

प्राप्ते तु षोडशे वर्षे पुत्रं मित्रवदाचरेत् ||

(Indulge a child for the first five years of his life, for the next ten years deal firmly with the child. Once the child is sixteen, treat him as a friend.)

       It is not an easy task of being friends. Sometimes we don't give parents enough space for the friendship to evolve and at times, they are not willing to extend a friendly gesture. But the tragedy of affairs is that usually when they are willing we are not and vice versa!!

         Talking to friends undergoing similar crisis, the most interesting argument I encountered is as follows - What do we youths look for in life that cause tribulations as these? The freedom to explore our paths. Maybe elders have already strode those paths and realize their shortcomings. But some of us are foolish and adamant and wish to discover the truth for ourselves. Such fools(though we tend to call ourselves 'explorers' or the 'makers of our own destiny') would expect to be left to themselves. Nothing teaches better than experience. We might err and falter. But we do not want to die with the guilt of not having tried. Elders with all their care and expertise in life would do good to help us recover from the fall, and keep us inspired for the next exploration;-)

         Maybe this is all necessary. These experiences to us may add up as lessons of life and somewhere down the lane, they may aid us in understanding these lines of Khalil Gibran -

Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you,

And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts, 

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, 

which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them, 

but seek not to make them like you.

For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.