The nights are dark, dark and dark. Its night because I have closed my eyes and it shall be day when they are wide open. I wonder if nights are supposed to be so dark, dark and dark. The days are bright though. But not bright enough to reveal what in all subtleness is concealed. My case file asserts this itself is the psychological disorder from which I suffer. It reads I am diagnosed with
blah, blah, blah (those abstruse and lengthy Medical terms - I hate them)
- something that roughly means I am a worse cynic! Obviously, I doubt it. I am yet to comprehend in its entirety all that appears revealed but I suppose is delicately concealed. I intend to discover the truth before I am 'cured' of this disorder.
Beautiful were those days when I lived in a world of my own. Free to live, free to dream, free to express. How would have I known the path to imprisonment is through freedom! In the world of blind, to see light is a crime. I did what would have been decades ago hailed an achievement, and I still believe is an achievement. But times had changed and to the majority, mine was an act of questionable righteousness. In the so called democratic setup, it is the dictatorship of the majority. The majority who wield power. The majority, whose only common attribute despite the starking contrasts they put on display is the brutality with which they crush those who refuse to join them.
For how long have I been here? Oh, I have lost count of time. Without
a clock, within four walls for years together or is it decades? It now
seems like it has been for eternity. Long ago, in my initial days at the hospital, I can remember how I was introduced to the policy
of this hospital. A very interesting policy was designed by the
management. To ensure efficiency, two pools of staff were created - one of medical attendants and the other of financial consultants. The medical attendants were to obtain the appreciation of the patients since their pay was tied to the satisfaction reported by the patients, vis-a-vis the service rendered by the attendants. I still don't understand how could they possibly tie up the tangible pay to the intangible satisfaction! And those financial consultants were supposed to prescribe the level of health care each patient could afford, after studying their assets, liabilities and God knows what else. Tangible reports to gauge the intangible care they deserve!
This particular rainy dark night was gloomy, very gloomy actually. The old woman was brought in to the bed by my side. She was put under observation after being operated for what was claimed to be the deadliest disease reported in ages. I was told that she was a researcher. She had extensively worked on the emerging stranglehold of darkness and went on to gain admirable expertise in the field. Before she could conclude her path breaking work, the disease had caught up with her and now she was lying here in absolute darkness as her eyes were closed.
The night was dark and the woman was crying in pain. The attendants refused to administer medicine because it was night and the woman could not see who had administered medicine to her. They decided to wait till the morning, so that they could be seen and her satisfaction could fetch them their pay. The cries were haunting. When once she screamed, it was as if darkness had gained voice and the shrill pierced through the silence and loneliness of the night.
At the early hours in the morning, it was found that the condition of the woman had predictably worsened. Now the medical attendants demanded that her level of health care had to be upgraded. The financial consultant refused because the reports doubted her ability to pay for the expenses of higher levels of care. As the woman made feeble attempts to let light into her eyes, she saw the medical attendants fighting to have her care facility upgraded. Little did she realize they waited all through the night to be seen fighting for her survival.
As the clash peaked and grew out of control, the highest authority walked in to settle the scores. I had waited long to see the authority. He had created this entire system. Wielded the power over the working of what is hailed a flawless endeavor but is absolutely flawed in my perception. Despite staying here for over decades, I had never got to see him because it would always be dark when he walks in. Light abandons its existence when he is present for I always go blind in his presence. I now realized I had a chance to catch a glimpse of him as everyone was engrossed in the clash and I sneaked close to the authority as he walked in, darkening everything around.
It got dark and one could only hear the voice of the authority who whispered to the fighting duo to allow her care level to be upgraded only to downgrade it once she falls asleep again, thereby preventing her from death and simultaneously neither allowing her to completely recover. As he walked away, I too sneaked along with him in the darkness. I was walking along with him, whom I had always yearned to understand, whose acts I always yearned to decipher. Now, was the chance to discover the darkness that had snatched away my freedom, that had haunted my thoughts all these nights. When I opened my eyes to light, I was shocked to identify the authority.
The light had turned dark as if it was night.
I faced myself.
