Complexity of love

A middle aged couple watch the sunset on a beach off Kochi, Kerala (PC: Myself!)

The angel and the devil were grappling to understand the complexity of love.

"Is not failure the essence of love? You fail to be yourself. The loved one fails to be the one who was loved as they evolve while they reciprocate love."

"Is it all not creation, evolution and discovery? Why brand it failure?"

"Because it is! So selfish is love that it consumes itself, constrains the ones in love from being the ones they truly are. It is a baggage of expectations."

"Really? Love is rather so selfless that it creates new worlds, allows the ones in love to flourish and grow beyond the ones they are. It is a source of nourishment."

"But it is such a transient thing. It changes with every moment. It gives rise to multiple expectations. It is so dynamic, fickle. Never stable. The adaptation, adjustment gradually robs you off from your soul. I am afraid if the price of love is the very reason it blossomed in the first place."

"Is not that transience worth it all? Like the essence of our lives which is transience. Love does not keep the seed a seed but nurtures, lets it bloom and flourish into a tree. Maybe allowing it to be a part of the forest."

"Honestly, does not love in the real rugged world constrain, expect and disappoint?"

"Honestly, does not love in the real rugged world also bear, care and nurture?"

Conversation starter!

Picture Credit: Myself!

When they ran into each other after being busy in their lives for years, the Angel and the Devil greeted one another and hoped to find the right conversation starter.

"How are you?"

"Happy, sad, unsure, confused, exhilarated, broken, joyous, afraid, thrilled, jealous, healthy, perverted, grateful - in varying proportions at various times. Sometimes surprised that though shades of my moods contradict themselves, they co-exist!"

"Oh, I hope I got the apt conversation starter."

"Well, how about you?"

"Neither all those emotions at once, rarely any specific emotion at once. A chaotic simultaneous amalgamation of emotions on the non-linear spectrum of human life, bathed in shades of celebration, amazement, existence, monotony, frustration and fragility!"

"I guess it is a hell of a conversation starter!"

Judge!

PC: http://mentirasquetevoucontando.blogs.sapo.pt/

("Critic" is from Greek word "kritikos" meaning "able to judge or discern.")

"Unless we are very, very careful,we doom each other by holding onto images of one another based on preconceptions that are in turn based on indifference to what is other than ourselves.”

  - Psychologist-turned-artist Anne Truitt 

 

The angel and the devil were being critics of human actions -
"It was a good thing."
"No, it was a bad thing."
"But it was the best thing to be done there."
"It was inappropriate to be done there."
"She had the courage to stand against the mob."
"She did not heed to the wisdom of the crowd."
God who was busy playing with the stars asked them - "Why did she do so?"
The angel and devil in unison - "Maybe because...."
God - "Not your assumption of why. But the reality of why."
In unison - "How would we know?"
God - "What were her circumstances which drove her to do so?"
Again in unison - "How would we know?"
God - "Then what she did was good or bad?"
Again in mechanical unison - "How would we....!!!"

Afraid

"Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go."

- T.S. Eliot, Preface to Harry Crosby, Transit of Venus (1931), p. ix.

It was a gala party. So many guests, all grinning at one another, greeting with joy and at places hugging despite the envy.

At the table in a corner, we three sat boozing after eavesdropping at random tables on a lot of ludicrous gossips.

The angel and the devil too, due to the lack of coherence to discuss any interesting subject as we boozed, took to deliberate on the idea of my marriage.
"How sweet of your human friends, at each table as they greeted you, they were all concerned of your marriage."
"But how does your marriage concern them all? Seems like it is an easy, lazy conversation starter."
"Best to ignore it, we humans just tend to feed on the gossips of others' lives as we loaf around in such parties."

As we had more pegs the angel and the devil too, like those success-coaches, told me to surmount my fear and take a leap of faith.
"Maybe they were all right. You are afraid. Afraid of getting married. And hence succumb and fret your days in loneliness."
"Maybe they were all afraid. Afraid of having to live alone and succumbed to that pressure and surrendered to marriage."
"Maybe like them all, we three are also on a high and unnecessarily philosophizing another civilizational social convention which could well be followed for thousand various reasons in various cases."

The problem

It was a typical Angel and Devil problem!
"What is the problem?"
"I am not sure if I am myself or what I think of myself"
"Then is the thought the problem?"
"I wonder if it is the urge to think?"
"Urge to think of oneself?"
"To think of oneself as one thing?!"

Humans!

Human beings: Contradictory ideas and Individual character??
PC: Myself!

"What makes human beings interesting is that they continue to hold contradictory ideas together at the same time, and that mix is what constitutes the individual character." 

- Orhan Pamuk

Rare was this moment! Very rare indeed. As if it was a blue moon night! The angel and the devil were on the same page on this issue.
"An idealist, a romantic, a poet - far far away from reality!"
"An opportunist, a realist, a politician - scheming to get things done!"
"At times so courageous and bold; at times so timid and meek"
"Inconsistent. Simple in certain tastes, lavish in others."
"Kind and cruel"
"Mind and heart"
"Unreasonable, yet at times pragmatic!"
"Foolish, yet at times the spark of brilliance!"
"Why aren't they what they are?"
"Why can't we predict their behaviour?"
Taking a deep breath of exasperation, the angel and the devil in this extremely rare moment of agreement said in unison - " Probably, because they are humans!"

Reality vs Morality

PC: http://www.doodlerblog.com/

At times the angel and the devil discover their spirit of questioning and it was another of such instance on a breezy moonlit night.

"How is it that at times one among us is the angel and the other devil?"

"Is it because we at times succumb to the raw fervour of reality and at times manage to stand up to the high echelons of ethics and morality?"

"Then how is God always God and Satan always Satan?"

"Have we ever seen them together?"

Thin line?

Tears and Laughters (PC: Myself)

  "This is my last message to you: in sorrow seek happiness."

                                                        - Fyodor Dostoevsky 

                                                            ("Brother's Karamazov")

The devil and the angel were in moods at extreme ends of the spectrum. One was overwhelmed with joy, while the other seemed deep in sorrow.
"You look sad, What happened?"
"I am not very sure. But maybe it is because I got all that I wished for."
"Oh, but that is precisely the reason I am so happy. I too got all that I wished for."
"Happy for you!"
"But how does it make you sad?"
"The way it makes you happy."
"Is it a very thin line?"
"Maybe. I don't know."

Beautiful flower?

PC: Myself!!

Neither am I what I look, nor am I what you see!!

"The red flower looks so beautiful."

"The flower which emits red color looks so beautiful."

"It is a red flower."

"It is a flower which emits red color."

"It is because I see it in red, I call it a red flower."

"It is because it rejects red and absorbs all other colors, I call it a flower that emits red."

............

As the angel and the devil were obsessed in associating the identity of the flower to the red they perceived in different senses, a bee listening to their conversation laughed at how blind they were in calling a flower, devoid of patterns as beautiful!!

____________________________

 

Bees are red-blind. The visible spectrum, for a bee, stretches from 650 mu to 300 mu, so it can distinguish only four different colors in the visible spectrum: yellow, blue-green, blue, and ultraviolet. #

The patterns of flowers are thought to attract bees to flowers. *

#http://www.sewanee.edu/Chem/Chem%26Art/Detail_Pages/ColorProjects_2003/Crone/index.htm

*http://www.rit-mcsl.org/fairchild/WhyIsColor/Questions/5-3.html 

Observations

PC: Myself!!

Few sympathize my tears, Few complement the sparkle.
It is only a speck of dust that has left me misty eyed.

The Angel and the Devil were out in the forest. Employing all their skills of reasoning and experience, they were noting down their observations.
One wrote - "She is too very emotional. She sheds tears in pain, unable to bear the Sun's wrath!"
The other wrote - "She is so rational. She sparkles, determined as she stands strong in the Sun!"

Flower and thorn.

PC: Myself!!

The angel and the devil were on a trip to the countryside.
"What do you see?"
"The flowers. You?"
"The thorns."
"So what do you think it is?"
"Because I see the thorns, I think it has to be thorns."
"But I see flowers, doesn't it make it the flowers then?"

किसीको फूल लगता हूँ, किसीको काँटा;

पर असल मे मैं तो हूँ बस एक पौधा।

(I am perceived as a flower by few and a thorn by few;

But in reality I am only a plant.)

The closer, the farther!

"We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time." 

- T. S. Eliot

PC: Myself!!

हम जहाँ  से भाग निकले थे, शायद उसी मंज़िल की ओर भाग चले हैं। 

(Where we raced away from, probably that very destination we are racing towards.)

       The angel and the devil were getting closer. Probably they were going farther apart.
"The closer we get, we realize how far we have arrived."
"The closer we get, we realize how far we have receded"
"The closer I get to my goal, I am able to understand it better."
"And that understanding leads me to question if this was the goal I dreamed?"
"The closer I get to my loved one, I get to know the details."
"And those details raise the question if it was this very person that I loved?"
"The closer I get to those I admire, I experience the aura they exude."
"And that short lived aura reveals their flaws and frailties, rendering that human too in flesh, blood and skin!"
"The closer I get......"
"...... the farther I remain."

Confessions

 

Picture Credit: Myself!!
Person in the pic: Again myself:) !!

The angel and the devil were confessing their dark deep secrets to each other.
"You ever felt love. I have"
"I too have. How about lust?"
"Yeah, that too. Empathy?"
"Not sure how often, but yes. Greed?"
"Rarely, but not that rarely also. Kindness?"
"Something of that sort, often. Selfishness?"
"Kind of guiding motive. Compassion?"
"At times. Desire to exercise authority?"
"Usually when endowed with authority. Responsibility?"
"Whenever I have understood its significance. .....?"
"............................................................?"
"............................................................?"
...............
..............
..........
......
...
..
"If we both experience all these, then why is it that one of us is the angel and the other devil?"
"Are you really sure who amongst us is the devil and who the angel?"

To be free is to be bound?

"To be free is to be bound.

Bound not by force,

But bound by choice!"

The angel and the devil were pitted in a duel.
"I am bound, chained. I yearn for freedom."
"I doubt if we are free only when we are bound?"
"I am bound to this daily work. No sight of freedom."
"I sense freedom, financial and social, only when I secure a job."
"I am bound to relationships. Fell in love and lost freedom."
"I sense freedom and a serene joy as I flow through love."
"I am overcrowded with information. Learn, learn, learn, when do I think for myself?"
"I sense freedom when I submerge myself in the world of thoughts. The more I learn, the better I think."
"So, what do you mean? I don't sense freedom?"
"Do you actually sense being bound?"

Rational or Emotional?

 
The game was on. The angel and the devil were fighting it out.
"Rational"
"Emotional"
"Rational"
"Emotional"
"Rational"
"Emotional"
"Being emotional without being rational deprives you of clarity."
"Being rational without being emotional deprives you of humanity."

The wait.

Pic Credit: Kotresh H R

The angel and the devil were staring into the seeming infiniteness of the path.
"How long should we wait?"
"I don't know."
"You think we will have a reply?"
"I hope so."
"Do all questions have answers?"
"I don't know."
"Does God know the answer?"
"I hope so."
"Are answers actually necessary?"
 "I don't know."
........
.....
"Does he really exist?"
"Maybe she does."

The plight

   

     The angel and the devil look into each other's eyes and realize none has an answer yet. So they dive deep into their ocean of thought. They ponder and wonder, yet fail to render an adequate response. They shake heads in disagreement with themselves.

     Again, they look into each other's eyes and realize none has an answer yet. So again they dive deep into their ocean of thought. They ponder and wonder, yet fail to render an adequate response. They shake heads in disagreement with themselves.

     Again, they look into each other's eyes and realize none has an answer yet......

.........

.........

     Such has been their plight since they were posed the question - "If I consider myself as non-judgmental, am I not actually being judgmental?"

Love: Selfish or Selfless?

The angel and devil were contemplating on the nature of love -
"Being in love is selfless," said the angel.
"Being in love is selfish," retorted the devil.
"When you love someone, you live your entire life for those loved ones and not for your own self. You give up on your individual identity."
"All during your life, you love to satisfy your own need of being loved. Striving simply to satisfy a selfish psychic drive."
"When you love, you take up the responsibilities of those you love."
"As you love, you limit your responsibilities to only those you love."
"You have never experienced true love, that's why you know not what it is."
"As if you have experienced, true love is only a perspective, never in existence."
"Come, fall in love, discover how the self looses itself in the universe as does the drop in the ocean."
"Come, fall out of love, discover how the self was blinded by its assumptions of the horizons of the universe."

Heals and wounds.

        The angel and the devil, were philosophizing and this time it was time that had stuck between them.

"Time heals all wounds."

"Time wounds all heals."

"It wounds."

"It heals."

"Wounds.."

"Heals.."

"Wounds"

"Heals"..

......

......

......

......

        As the argument looped infinitely, time went its way, doubting the credibility of being touted the independent variable, wondering why the accusation was on time alone, while they wounded and healed each other.

Worth of an individual.

The angel and devil loved measurements for 'measurements are the blood of Science'.
"How do you measure the worth of an individual?"
"By the work he does. The way he works, his accomplishments."
"Work alone?"
"By the thoughts he disseminates. The way he analyses, his opinions."
"Only work and thought?"
"By the behavior he displays. The way he behaves, his rapport."
"Only work, thought and behavior?"
"By the appearance he carries. The way he looks, his hygiene."
"Only work, thought, behavior and appearance?"
"Ok, by many other factors too. Give me a break. What is your take on it? You don't agree with me?"
"No, I am afraid I asked the wrong question."
"Then what is your right question?"
"Who are we to measure the worth of an individual?"